Grappling With Divinity

Grappling With Divinity

Contemplative Christian Reflections by Robert Van Valkenburgh

Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.

Read Today’s Reflection

What I Write About

At Grappling With Divinity, I write from within the living stream of Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer, where faith is not mastered but practiced — slowly, honestly, and with reverence.

These reflections explore divine love as it meets us in suffering and joy, doubt and surrender, weakness and awakening. They trace the quiet work of conversion — the lifelong unfolding of grace that reshapes the heart and draws us deeper into union with God.

Here you will find meditations on Scripture, spiritual formation, the wisdom of the mystics, and the hidden movements of God within ordinary life.

This is not a place for easy answers.

It is a place for
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.

A place where faith deepens through mystery, and where even our struggle becomes prayer.

Lectio Divina (Coming Soon)

My writing follows the ancient rhythm of lectio divina — listening, reflecting, praying, and resting in God. Here you’ll find guidance and reflections shaped by this contemplative way of reading Scripture for transformation, not just information.

Practice Lectio Divina →

Christian Mysticism (Coming Soon)

Christian mysticism is the path of deeper union with God. Drawing from the wisdom of the contemplative tradition, this section reflects on divine love, interior transformation, and the indwelling presence of God at the heart of ordinary life.

Explore Christian Mysticism→

Spiritual Direction (Coming Soon)

Spiritual direction is the sacred practice of listening for God together. Rooted in the contemplative tradition and informed by my studies at Loyola University Chicago, this space explores discernment, surrender, and the quiet work of grace in everyday life.

Learn More About Spiritual Direction →

A Contemplative Rule Of Life

Silence

“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10

Silence is where we meet God in faithfulness, where His still, quiet voice is heard.

In silence, the false-self loosens its grip, striving softens, and the deeper current of divine love is felt beneath the noise. Silence is not absence — it is encounter, recollection, and reunion. It is the inner room wherein grace does its hidden work, bringing us to stillness in love.

Surrender

“Not my will, but yours be done.” — Luke 22:42

Transformation does not come by force. It comes by consent.

Surrender is not passivity, but courageous yielding — on the mat, in marriage, in study, in prayer. It is the steady relinquishing of control so that conversion may unfold. What feels like loss becomes opening; what feels like weakness becomes strength received; what feels like darkness becomes fullness in and of God.

Steadfastness

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9

Stay. Remain faithful in struggle. Do not turn away from love.

Steadfastness is the refusal to flee when faith feels dry or God feels hidden. It is the quiet fidelity that trusts blessing can emerge from grappling with the tension between our inborn humanity and our indwelling divinity. It is love practiced over time — faithful, patient, and rooted in the love that is true and holy.

GRAPPLING WITH DIVINITY.
WRESTLING WITH GOD.
RETURNING TO LOVE.

Latest Thoughts

Explore My Reflections

Following the contemplative rhythm of Lectio Divina
Moving from Attentive Reading (Lectio)
To Reflection (Meditatio)
To Prayerful Response (Oratio)
And finally into Silent Resting in God (Contemplatio)
Grappling With Divinity invites a slow unfolding of Scripture, Spiritual Wisdom, and Lived Experience.

  • Lectio: The Work To Which You Are Called

    Lectio: The Work To Which You Are Called

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “Do not lose heart, even if you should discover that you lack qualities necessary for the work to which you are called. He who called you will not desert you, but the moment you are in need he will stretch out his saving hand.” ~St. Angela Merici

  • For A Moment

    For A Moment

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    In the quiet hoursbefore the dawnwhile the worldis still sleepingI sitinviting your presenceopening my heart to youand sometimeseven if for a momentyou pull back the veilbetween usto let me knowthat though the roommay be emptyI am not alone ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: You Are Christ’s Hands

    Lectio: You Are Christ’s Hands

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “Christ has no body now but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours.Yours are the eyes through which Christ’s compassion must look out on the world.Yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good.Yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now.” ~Teresa of Avila

  • Oratio: Within Me

    Oratio: Within Me

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    My courage comesfrom you Lordon my ownI am a cowardand I am selfishall of my goodnessI owe to your Spiritwithin methrough your loveand grace Lordhelp me to decreasethat you may increasewithin memay I tastethe sweet fruitof your divine mercyand share that fruitwith those about meuntil there is nothing leftbut Christwithin me ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: Successful Meditation

    Lectio: Successful Meditation

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “We should not, however, judge the value of our meditation by ‘how we feel.’ A hard and apparently fruitless meditation may in fact be much more valuable than one that is easy, happy, enlightened and apparently a big success.” ~Thomas Merton

  • Oratio: For My Mother

    Oratio: For My Mother

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Born into this worldthrough water and fleshmy mother’s armsheld and comforted mewiping my tearsand giving me strengthuntil I could reachfor the Lordentering the watersof baptismdying to the fleshreborn of the spiritwith and in Christin whom I find comfortHe dries my tearsand gives me strengthforevernone of whichwould be possiblewere it not for my motherfrom whose…

  • Lectio: From Mary

    Lectio: From Mary

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “From Mary we learn to surrender to God’s will in all things. From Mary we learn to trust even when all hope seems gone. From Mary we learn to love Christ her Son and the Son of God!” ~St. John Paul II

  • Oratio: Borrowed Troubles

    Oratio: Borrowed Troubles

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    The songbirds singtheir beautiful songwhile my mind runs awaywith worrydeafened by the noiseof borrowed troublesI cannot hear them calling mesuddenlya melody catches my earthe veil of imagined sufferingis liftedin this momentI see the Lordand the glory of his creationwho am I to worrywhen he has chosen mein love ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: Conform to Christ

    Lectio: Conform to Christ

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “Marriage is meant to be one of the ways in which you die to yourself out of love for Christ and love for others that conforms you to Christ.” ~Fr. Mike Schmitz

  • Oratio: To Do Your Will

    Oratio: To Do Your Will

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Lord Jesusgive me strengthto dowhat I must doto carry the crossthat lies before meI am weary Lordand my burdenis heavymay your graceand mercygive me courageand wisdomto do your will always ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Our Life Is Our Prayer Life: On Spiritual Growth, Daily Chores, and the God We Meet in One Another (Lectio Divina)

    Drawing on Patrick Hart’s foreword to James Finley’s Merton’s Palace of Nowhere, this Lectio Divina explores how our truest spiritual growth is revealed not in our devotional practices but in our everyday relationships and ordinary circumstances. From Teresa of Avila’s pots and pans to Brother Lawrence’s practice of the presence, from Paul’s call to pray…

  • Not Perfect, Not Okay, But Loved: On God’s Unconditional Love and the Gift We Cannot Earn (Lectio Divina)

    When we have exhausted ourselves in the wilderness of self-will, we discover what was always true: God’s love was never withheld. Drawing on Fr. Mike Schmitz’s simple confession — “I’m not perfect. I’m not okay. But I am loved.” — this Lectio Divina reflects on the unconditional love that meets us in our imperfection, sustains…

  • Cherished Emptiness: Creating a Sabbath in Your Heart With Macrina Wiederkehr (Lectio Divina)

    Drawing on Macrina Wiederkehr’s insight that cherished emptiness gives God space in which to work, this Lectio Divina explores what it means to create a Sabbath in the heart — not as mere absence, but as a receptive stillness in which God alone may speak. A meditation on silence, surrender, and our God-shaped capacity for…

Robert Van Valkenburgh

Owner of Grappling With Divinity & Co-Founder Of Kogen Dojo

I am a husband and father, a Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner and instructor, and a graduate student in Christian Spirituality and Spiritual Direction at Loyola University Chicago.

At Grappling With Divinity, I explore the mystery of God through Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer — wrestling with divine love, suffering, conversion, and the slow work of grace in ordinary life.

The discipline of martial arts and the discipline of silent prayer have taught me something similar: transformation comes through practice and surrender. My writing reflects that lived tension — strength and weakness, struggle and trust, effort and grace — as I continue learning what it means to seek union with God in the midst of family, jiu-jitsu, study, and everyday responsibility.