At Grappling With Divinity, I write from within the living stream of Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer, where faith is not mastered but practiced — slowly, honestly, and with reverence.
These reflections explore divine love as it meets us in suffering and joy, doubt and surrender, weakness and awakening. They trace the quiet work of conversion — the lifelong unfolding of grace that reshapes the heart and draws us deeper into union with God.
Here you will find meditations on Scripture, spiritual formation, the wisdom of the mystics, and the hidden movements of God within ordinary life.
This is not a place for easy answers.
It is a place for Grappling With Divinity. Wrestling With God. Returning To Love.
A place where faith deepens through mystery, and where even our struggle becomes prayer.
Lectio Divina (Coming Soon)
My writing follows the ancient rhythm of lectio divina — listening, reflecting, praying, and resting in God. Here you’ll find guidance and reflections shaped by this contemplative way of reading Scripture for transformation, not just information.
Christian mysticism is the path of deeper union with God. Drawing from the wisdom of the contemplative tradition, this section reflects on divine love, interior transformation, and the indwelling presence of God at the heart of ordinary life.
Spiritual direction is the sacred practice of listening for God together. Rooted in the contemplative tradition and informed by my studies at Loyola University Chicago, this space explores discernment, surrender, and the quiet work of grace in everyday life.
Silence is where we meet God in faithfulness, where His still, quiet voice is heard.
In silence, the false-self loosens its grip, striving softens, and the deeper current of divine love is felt beneath the noise. Silence is not absence — it is encounter, recollection, and reunion. It is the inner room wherein grace does its hidden work, bringing us to stillness in love.
Surrender
“Not my will, but yours be done.” — Luke 22:42
Transformation does not come by force. It comes by consent.
Surrender is not passivity, but courageous yielding — on the mat, in marriage, in study, in prayer. It is the steady relinquishing of control so that conversion may unfold. What feels like loss becomes opening; what feels like weakness becomes strength received; what feels like darkness becomes fullness in and of God.
Steadfastness
“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9
Stay. Remain faithful in struggle. Do not turn away from love.
Steadfastness is the refusal to flee when faith feels dry or God feels hidden. It is the quiet fidelity that trusts blessing can emerge from grappling with the tension between our inborn humanity and our indwelling divinity. It is love practiced over time — faithful, patient, and rooted in the love that is true and holy.
GRAPPLING WITH DIVINITY. WRESTLING WITH GOD. RETURNING TO LOVE.
Latest Thoughts
Explore My Reflections
Following the contemplative rhythm of Lectio Divina Moving from Attentive Reading (Lectio) To Reflection (Meditatio) To Prayerful Response (Oratio) And finally into Silent Resting in God (Contemplatio) Grappling With Divinity invites a slow unfolding of Scripture, Spiritual Wisdom, and Lived Experience.
“Contemplation is naught else than a secret, peaceful and loving infusion from God, which, if it be permitted, enkindles the soul with the spirit of love.” -Saint John of the Cross
The voice of the Lord will come and go like the angel to Mary leaving you to walk in faith in the quiet times do not despair you are not forsaken the Lord abides within you and works through you as He abides within and works through all things turn your attention to His…
“Even now, says the Lord, return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning; Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the Lord, your God.” -Joel 2:12-13
Not Perfect, Not Okay, But Loved: On God’s Unconditional Love and the Gift We Cannot Earn (Lectio Divina)
When we have exhausted ourselves in the wilderness of self-will, we discover what was always true: God’s love was never withheld. Drawing on Fr. Mike Schmitz’s simple confession — “I’m not perfect. I’m not okay. But I am loved.” — this Lectio Divina reflects on the unconditional love that meets us in our imperfection, sustains…
Cherished Emptiness: Creating a Sabbath in Your Heart With Macrina Wiederkehr (Lectio Divina)
Drawing on Macrina Wiederkehr’s insight that cherished emptiness gives God space in which to work, this Lectio Divina explores what it means to create a Sabbath in the heart — not as mere absence, but as a receptive stillness in which God alone may speak. A meditation on silence, surrender, and our God-shaped capacity for…
The Tapestry of Life: Finding Joy Through Suffering With St. John of the Cross (Lectio Divina)
Drawing on Fr. Daniel Chowning’s reflection on St. John of the Cross, this Lectio Divina explores how joy does not mean the absence of suffering — but is woven through it. Through the Scotist lens of a God who willed us for love from the beginning, this post meditates on how the full tapestry of…
Robert Van Valkenburgh
Owner of Grappling With Divinity& Co-Founder Of Kogen Dojo
I am a husband and father, a Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner and instructor, and a graduate student in Christian Spirituality and Spiritual Direction at Loyola University Chicago.
At Grappling With Divinity, I explore the mystery of God through Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer — wrestling with divine love, suffering, conversion, and the slow work of grace in ordinary life.
The discipline of martial arts and the discipline of silent prayer have taught me something similar: transformation comes through practice and surrender. My writing reflects that lived tension — strength and weakness, struggle and trust, effort and grace — as I continue learning what it means to seek union with God in the midst of family, jiu-jitsu, study, and everyday responsibility.
