Grappling With Divinity

Grappling With Divinity

Contemplative Christian Reflections by Robert Van Valkenburgh

Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.

Read Today’s Reflection

What I Write About

At Grappling With Divinity, I write from within the living stream of Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer, where faith is not mastered but practiced — slowly, honestly, and with reverence.

These reflections explore divine love as it meets us in suffering and joy, doubt and surrender, weakness and awakening. They trace the quiet work of conversion — the lifelong unfolding of grace that reshapes the heart and draws us deeper into union with God.

Here you will find meditations on Scripture, spiritual formation, the wisdom of the mystics, and the hidden movements of God within ordinary life.

This is not a place for easy answers.

It is a place for
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.

A place where faith deepens through mystery, and where even our struggle becomes prayer.

Lectio Divina (Coming Soon)

My writing follows the ancient rhythm of lectio divina — listening, reflecting, praying, and resting in God. Here you’ll find guidance and reflections shaped by this contemplative way of reading Scripture for transformation, not just information.

Practice Lectio Divina →

Christian Mysticism (Coming Soon)

Christian mysticism is the path of deeper union with God. Drawing from the wisdom of the contemplative tradition, this section reflects on divine love, interior transformation, and the indwelling presence of God at the heart of ordinary life.

Explore Christian Mysticism→

Spiritual Direction (Coming Soon)

Spiritual direction is the sacred practice of listening for God together. Rooted in the contemplative tradition and informed by my studies at Loyola University Chicago, this space explores discernment, surrender, and the quiet work of grace in everyday life.

Learn More About Spiritual Direction →

A Contemplative Rule Of Life

Silence

“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10

Silence is where we meet God in faithfulness, where His still, quiet voice is heard.

In silence, the false-self loosens its grip, striving softens, and the deeper current of divine love is felt beneath the noise. Silence is not absence — it is encounter, recollection, and reunion. It is the inner room wherein grace does its hidden work, bringing us to stillness in love.

Surrender

“Not my will, but yours be done.” — Luke 22:42

Transformation does not come by force. It comes by consent.

Surrender is not passivity, but courageous yielding — on the mat, in marriage, in study, in prayer. It is the steady relinquishing of control so that conversion may unfold. What feels like loss becomes opening; what feels like weakness becomes strength received; what feels like darkness becomes fullness in and of God.

Steadfastness

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9

Stay. Remain faithful in struggle. Do not turn away from love.

Steadfastness is the refusal to flee when faith feels dry or God feels hidden. It is the quiet fidelity that trusts blessing can emerge from grappling with the tension between our inborn humanity and our indwelling divinity. It is love practiced over time — faithful, patient, and rooted in the love that is true and holy.

GRAPPLING WITH DIVINITY.
WRESTLING WITH GOD.
RETURNING TO LOVE.

Latest Thoughts

Explore My Reflections

Following the contemplative rhythm of Lectio Divina
Moving from Attentive Reading (Lectio)
To Reflection (Meditatio)
To Prayerful Response (Oratio)
And finally into Silent Resting in God (Contemplatio)
Grappling With Divinity invites a slow unfolding of Scripture, Spiritual Wisdom, and Lived Experience.

  • Oratio: One Step

    Oratio: One Step

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Though the way aheadappears dark and dauntingthe lamp of the Lordshines before my feetI need only takeone step at a timein faithno more and no lessit is not for meto stay behindnor to knowwhere the path leadsonly to trustthat it leads me to Him ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: A Reflection of God

    Lectio: A Reflection of God

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “The interesting thing is that when you can forgive people for not being God, then you can celebrate that they are a reflection of God, a reflection of God’s great unconditional love.” ~Henri Nouwen

  • Oratio: Named By Love

    Oratio: Named By Love

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    The devil wants meto name myselfby my pride and vanitymy guilt and shamemy anger and fearmy success and failurehe wants me to take onany name besides the namegiven to me by the Lordwho calls me belovedwho calls me son or daughterwho calls me friendI will not be named by Satanonly the God who knew…

  • Lectio: In Love and Service

    Lectio: In Love and Service

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “May God ever grant you, my holy daughter, his holy grace so that in all things you may employ yourself in his holy love and service, as is your obligation, since that is why he created and redeemed you.” ~St. John of the Cross

  • Oratio: Light of the Lord

    Oratio: Light of the Lord

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Praise the Lordas the light shines inscaring away the darknesschasing the shadowsinto their cornerscowering in fearfor the darkness knowsit has no powershadows have no strengththey only exist in absenceand illusionPraise the Lordbathe in His lightwhen it is unseenit is not far awayfor through the Holy SpiritHis light resides in you -Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: Who We Are

    Lectio: Who We Are

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “Humility is to know who God is and who we are in relation to this God. This knowing leads to worship, gratitude, and obedience.”~ Charles Ringma

  • Oratio: Guiding Me Forward

    Oratio: Guiding Me Forward

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Clouds of darknesstry to cut me offfrom your lightbut when my eyesno longer serve methe quiet becomes my friendI settle into the silenceand I can hear your whisperguiding me forwardone step at a timeslow and steadyis my walkyou have neverled me astray -Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: Effort Not Perfection

    Lectio: Effort Not Perfection

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “God loves your effort, not your perfection.” -St. Paisios of Mt. Athos

  • Oratio: The Empty Spaces

    Oratio: The Empty Spaces

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Beyond and throughthe leaves and the branchesthe pale blue skyfills in the empty spacesreminding me that youare everywherein and aseverythingthere is no Inor leafnor branchnor skythere is only youperceiving yourselfthrough my eyes -Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: The Rose

    Lectio: The Rose

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “The splendour of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness.” -St Therese of Lisieux

  • Not Perfect, Not Okay, But Loved: On God’s Unconditional Love and the Gift We Cannot Earn (Lectio Divina)

    When we have exhausted ourselves in the wilderness of self-will, we discover what was always true: God’s love was never withheld. Drawing on Fr. Mike Schmitz’s simple confession — “I’m not perfect. I’m not okay. But I am loved.” — this Lectio Divina reflects on the unconditional love that meets us in our imperfection, sustains…

  • Cherished Emptiness: Creating a Sabbath in Your Heart With Macrina Wiederkehr (Lectio Divina)

    Drawing on Macrina Wiederkehr’s insight that cherished emptiness gives God space in which to work, this Lectio Divina explores what it means to create a Sabbath in the heart — not as mere absence, but as a receptive stillness in which God alone may speak. A meditation on silence, surrender, and our God-shaped capacity for…

  • The Tapestry of Life: Finding Joy Through Suffering With St. John of the Cross (Lectio Divina)

    Drawing on Fr. Daniel Chowning’s reflection on St. John of the Cross, this Lectio Divina explores how joy does not mean the absence of suffering — but is woven through it. Through the Scotist lens of a God who willed us for love from the beginning, this post meditates on how the full tapestry of…

Robert Van Valkenburgh

Owner of Grappling With Divinity & Co-Founder Of Kogen Dojo

I am a husband and father, a Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner and instructor, and a graduate student in Christian Spirituality and Spiritual Direction at Loyola University Chicago.

At Grappling With Divinity, I explore the mystery of God through Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer — wrestling with divine love, suffering, conversion, and the slow work of grace in ordinary life.

The discipline of martial arts and the discipline of silent prayer have taught me something similar: transformation comes through practice and surrender. My writing reflects that lived tension — strength and weakness, struggle and trust, effort and grace — as I continue learning what it means to seek union with God in the midst of family, jiu-jitsu, study, and everyday responsibility.