Grappling With Divinity

Grappling With Divinity

Contemplative Christian Reflections by Robert Van Valkenburgh

Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.

Read Today’s Reflection

What I Write About

At Grappling With Divinity, I write from within the living stream of Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer, where faith is not mastered but practiced — slowly, honestly, and with reverence.

These reflections explore divine love as it meets us in suffering and joy, doubt and surrender, weakness and awakening. They trace the quiet work of conversion — the lifelong unfolding of grace that reshapes the heart and draws us deeper into union with God.

Here you will find meditations on Scripture, spiritual formation, the wisdom of the mystics, and the hidden movements of God within ordinary life.

This is not a place for easy answers.

It is a place for
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.

A place where faith deepens through mystery, and where even our struggle becomes prayer.

Lectio Divina (Coming Soon)

My writing follows the ancient rhythm of lectio divina — listening, reflecting, praying, and resting in God. Here you’ll find guidance and reflections shaped by this contemplative way of reading Scripture for transformation, not just information.

Practice Lectio Divina →

Christian Mysticism (Coming Soon)

Christian mysticism is the path of deeper union with God. Drawing from the wisdom of the contemplative tradition, this section reflects on divine love, interior transformation, and the indwelling presence of God at the heart of ordinary life.

Explore Christian Mysticism→

Spiritual Direction (Coming Soon)

Spiritual direction is the sacred practice of listening for God together. Rooted in the contemplative tradition and informed by my studies at Loyola University Chicago, this space explores discernment, surrender, and the quiet work of grace in everyday life.

Learn More About Spiritual Direction →

A Contemplative Rule Of Life

Silence

“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10

Silence is where we meet God in faithfulness, where His still, quiet voice is heard.

In silence, the false-self loosens its grip, striving softens, and the deeper current of divine love is felt beneath the noise. Silence is not absence — it is encounter, recollection, and reunion. It is the inner room wherein grace does its hidden work, bringing us to stillness in love.

Surrender

“Not my will, but yours be done.” — Luke 22:42

Transformation does not come by force. It comes by consent.

Surrender is not passivity, but courageous yielding — on the mat, in marriage, in study, in prayer. It is the steady relinquishing of control so that conversion may unfold. What feels like loss becomes opening; what feels like weakness becomes strength received; what feels like darkness becomes fullness in and of God.

Steadfastness

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9

Stay. Remain faithful in struggle. Do not turn away from love.

Steadfastness is the refusal to flee when faith feels dry or God feels hidden. It is the quiet fidelity that trusts blessing can emerge from grappling with the tension between our inborn humanity and our indwelling divinity. It is love practiced over time — faithful, patient, and rooted in the love that is true and holy.

GRAPPLING WITH DIVINITY.
WRESTLING WITH GOD.
RETURNING TO LOVE.

Latest Thoughts

Explore My Reflections

Following the contemplative rhythm of Lectio Divina
Moving from Attentive Reading (Lectio)
To Reflection (Meditatio)
To Prayerful Response (Oratio)
And finally into Silent Resting in God (Contemplatio)
Grappling With Divinity invites a slow unfolding of Scripture, Spiritual Wisdom, and Lived Experience.

  • Oratio: Your Fruits

    Oratio: Your Fruits

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Lord Jesusgraft my will to yoursthat I may bear the fruitsof the spiritin your gracein your lovein your namefor your sakeand the sakeof those who may know youthrough your fruits in me ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: The Peace of God

    Lectio: The Peace of God

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “We’re being called to be a non-violent, safe, protective person – honoring the wholeness of life, and the mystery of life, and the happiness of life – and then when suffering does occur, we’re to do our best to lessen it, and if possible remove it, but in an inner peace, not dependent on…

  • Scriptio: An Awakening At The Playground

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    I walked my daughter and her cousins to the playground this afternoon. While they played, I sat on a bench and read Holy Longing: The Search for a Christian Spirituality by Ronald Rolheiser, a book that my advisor recommended I read prior to starting my master’s degree this coming fall. As I read, they…

  • Oratio: Back To You

    Oratio: Back To You

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Help me Lordto love youas you have loved meyou have neverstopped seeking meyou have pursued meto the gates of helljust to bring meback to youmay I seek you Lordas you have sought memay I follow you Lordlead me to your lost sheepthat I may guide themback to you ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: To Each Other

    Lectio: To Each Other

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” ~Mother Teresa

  • Scriptio: In This Graced Moment

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    As I walked into my home tonight, carrying in a bag of groceries after taking my wife’s car to get a tire changed, I looked down and noticed the freshly cut grass. Something about it struck me and made me pause. It was strangely beautiful and breathtaking, at least in this moment. I then…

  • Oratio: Named By God

    Oratio: Named By God

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    I am notwho you say I amnor am Iwho I fearor fancy myselfto beonly Godgets to name mefor only He knew mebefore He formed mein my mother’s womb ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • Lectio: The Joining Prayer

    Lectio: The Joining Prayer

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    Heavenly Father, please join my prayers with your prayers. Into your hands I commend my spirit. Thy will, not mine, be done.* ~Anonymous *Originally taught to me by my spiritual director as: God, please join my prayers for this person with your prayers for this person.

  • Scriptio: Love Period

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    This evening I had to have a serious conversation with my daughter. She was crying and asked me whether she was good enough at an activity she does or whether she should quit. My first question was, “Do you want to quit?” She said, “No.” I asked her, “Do you enjoy doing it?” “Yes,”…

  • Oratio: Shared Suffering

    Oratio: Shared Suffering

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    Robert Van Valkenburgh

    The Lord wants usto share our sufferingto invite othersinto our desolationfor where two or moreare gatheredin His nameHe is thereand it is not goodfor us to be alone ~Robert Van Valkenburgh

  • The True Self and the False Self: On Identity, Exile, and the Grace That Reveals Us (Lectio Divina)

    Drawing on James Finley’s Merton’s Palace of Nowhere, this Lectio Divina explores the relationship between the true self and the false self — how the false self conceals the light of the true self, how Paul’s language of the old and new self illuminates that dynamic, and how it is grace, not effort, that reveals…

  • Our Life Is Our Prayer Life: On Spiritual Growth, Daily Chores, and the God We Meet in One Another (Lectio Divina)

    Drawing on Patrick Hart’s foreword to James Finley’s Merton’s Palace of Nowhere, this Lectio Divina explores how our truest spiritual growth is revealed not in our devotional practices but in our everyday relationships and ordinary circumstances. From Teresa of Avila’s pots and pans to Brother Lawrence’s practice of the presence, from Paul’s call to pray…

  • Not Perfect, Not Okay, But Loved: On God’s Unconditional Love and the Gift We Cannot Earn (Lectio Divina)

    When we have exhausted ourselves in the wilderness of self-will, we discover what was always true: God’s love was never withheld. Drawing on Fr. Mike Schmitz’s simple confession — “I’m not perfect. I’m not okay. But I am loved.” — this Lectio Divina reflects on the unconditional love that meets us in our imperfection, sustains…

Robert Van Valkenburgh

Owner of Grappling With Divinity & Co-Founder Of Kogen Dojo

I am a husband and father, a Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner and instructor, and a graduate student in Christian Spirituality and Spiritual Direction at Loyola University Chicago.

At Grappling With Divinity, I explore the mystery of God through Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer — wrestling with divine love, suffering, conversion, and the slow work of grace in ordinary life.

The discipline of martial arts and the discipline of silent prayer have taught me something similar: transformation comes through practice and surrender. My writing reflects that lived tension — strength and weakness, struggle and trust, effort and grace — as I continue learning what it means to seek union with God in the midst of family, jiu-jitsu, study, and everyday responsibility.