Lectio
“Leave behind the senses and the operations of the intellect, and all things sensible and intellectual… that you may arise by unknowing towards the union, as far as is attainable, with it that transcends all being and all knowledge.”
— Pseudo-Dionysius, Mystical Theology
Meditatio
Some days God feels farther away than others. Some days we feel disconnected or even abandoned by his presence. Like the mirror through which we see his reflection is dark and unpolished. Like the cloud of unknowing between us and our creator has settled down upon us as a dense fog. And though we may know and trust that God is not absent or even far away — for in him we live and move and have our being — our sense of separation disturbs us, frightens us, and even wounds us.
In these moments, we are often tempted to try harder, to pray harder, to scurry about frantically trying to discern where things went wrong, where we fell short, and what we can do to fix it. But stillness, silence, and patience bring us closer to the Lord than anxious striving. When confronted by the busy and anxious Martha, Jesus reproved her gently, saying that Mary, who merely sat at his feet, listening to his words, had chosen the better part.
And in time, like the passing of a season, the feeling of connection returns. This may take days, weeks, or months — even years. Many of the saints have written about long periods of spiritual dryness wherein they did not feel God’s immediate presence, but they continued on anyway knowing that God is faithful and near, and that he invites us to be the same.
Our effort, after all, does not earn us grace, it does not earn us God’s love, and it cannot earn us salvation. These are all gifts freely given, not in some future after we have met a list of requirements, but right now, in this very moment. God’s grace is already upon us, his love is already within us, and salvation is already promised to us, if only we accept these gifts freely offered.
The fog that settles over us in these seasons of darkness is not a sign of God’s distance. It may be, as the mystics suggest, quite the opposite — an excess of divine presence our senses cannot yet receive, a light so total it registers as darkness. The mirror that reflects our souls in God is not broken. We are simply being polished, that we may more fully receive the light freely offered.
Oratio
dense fog of night
darkness consumes me
I cannot see the way
lead me on
lead me on
Lord take my hand
I’m at your mercy
I cannot see the way
lead me on
lead me on
dark night of love
blinded by glory
I cannot see the way
lead me on
lead me on
Contemplatio
Can you sit within the darkness — not to dispel it, but to rest in it?
Related Scripture
“For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.” — 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NRSVCE)
For Further Reading
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Standing Strong: Grace, Gratitude, and the Armor of God, which draws on The Cloud of Unknowing to explore how faithfulness in seasons of spiritual difficulty — not anxious striving, but steady practice rooted in grace — is itself a form of standing firm in the darkness.
Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.
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