Lectio
“Abba Nilus also said, ‘Do not be always wanting everything to turn out as you think it should, but rather as God pleases, then you will be undisturbed and thankful in your prayer’”
— Abba Nilus, The Sayings of the Desert Fathers: The Alphabetical Collection
Meditatio
As God draws us nearer to Him in our walk of faith and we get further away from who we were when we first heard His call, we may sometimes find occasion to look back at who we once were and what we thought we wanted back then. And if we are honest with ourselves, we will likely come to realize that, had God given us exactly what we wanted — no more and no less — we would easily have sold ourselves short by a hundredfold or more, perhaps infinitely more. For, although God does not always give us what we want, we come to find that He gives us what we need, and what we need, as it turns out, is far better than what we wanted.
What’s more, there will be many times when we do get what we thought we wanted only to find that it does not fulfill us. It may even leave us feeling less satisfied and with an even deeper longing than before we got it. This is because our hearts long for something infinite. Our hearts long for God. But we all too often settle, by temptation, distraction, or discouragement, for that which is finite instead. And that which is finite cannot fill the infinite hole that is our longing. Only God — not even His gifts or His blessings — can fulfill our deepest desires because God is, in His fullness and glory, what we most deeply desire.
Our prayers, therefore, become tempered by the hard-won wisdom of our experience with the dissatisfaction, desolation, and despair that comes from creating and worshiping false idols. By grace and pain, we begin to see the futility of wanting everything to turn out as we think it should, but rather as God pleases. And through His Spirit working in us, we become grateful for and at peace with our lives as they unfold according to His will and His promise, even when it hurts, even when our cup is bitter, and even when it costs us everything, even our very lives, because what we lose in time, we gain in eternity through Him.
Oratio
You Alone
Your Word
alone
feeds my hunger
Your will
alone
quenches my thirst
Your light
alone
guides my footsteps
Your love
alone
gives me hope
You
alone
satisfy my longings
You
alone
are all I need
Contemplatio
Sit with the ache of your own wanting, and let it soften into trust. What you think you need may not be what will fill you — but He knows, and He is faithful. Rest here in silence, consenting to His presence, and let Him move in you however He wills.
Related Scripture
“Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine,”
— Ephesians 3:20 (NRSVCE)
For Further Reading
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Not My Will, But His: Facing the Cross I Would Avoid (Lectio Divina), which meets the same call to surrender from another angle — not what we think we want reshaped by trust, but what would unravel if we were left to our own will instead of His.
Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.
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