Lectio
“What we love we shall grow to resemble.”
— Bernard of Clairvaux
Meditatio
Jesus tells us it is not what enters a person that defiles them, but what comes out (Matthew 15:11). The inverse may also be true: it is not what is done to us that damages the soul, but what we do with it — how we carry it, or whether we carry it at all. The Dhammapada, an ancient Buddhist text, arrives at the same place from a different direction: if someone abuses us, insults us, or injures us, the suffering belongs to them, not us — unless we take it in and make it our own.
This may be what Jesus meant when he said do not resist evil. That, when someone slaps us on the right cheek, we should turn our left cheek to them also. If they want to sue us and take our shirt, we should hand them our coat as well. If they force us to go one mile, we should go two. This is not subordination or spite. It is the acknowledgement that what a person does to us does not define us, that it does not name us, and that it should not change the way we live, love, and forgive (Matthew 5:39-44).
Paul reiterates this in his letter to the Romans when he tells them not to repay evil for evil. As much as it is within our power, Paul says, we should live at peace with everyone and take revenge on no one, because revenge belongs to God, not us. We should overcome evil with good, and not be overcome by evil by succumbing to it and enacting it on others. Rather, we should feed our enemies if they are hungry, and give them water if they are thirsty, for, through kindness, we return love for hatred — and in doing so, we refuse to become what was done to us, and we leave those who trespass against us to live with their trespasses as their own (Romans 12:17-21).
As selfish as it may sound, we do this for our own souls as much as, or more than, for the souls of those who would abuse, insult, or injure us. Yes, they may be healed through the love they receive from us. Yes, they may be transformed through the forgiveness extended toward them by us. But they get a say. They get to decide whether their hearts are softened or hardened in the face of this embodied grace. And the chance is very real that they may choose hardness of heart over change, that they may decide to remain in the darkness rather than to step out into the light of love. But the outcome is neither our motive, nor is it within our power. We must love and forgive because it is what is best for our souls, and because it is what our Lord has commanded, and what the Holy Spirit impels us to do. Whether or not they are changed is out of our hands.
And yet, through this act of reception without reaction, we are changed.
Those of us who have walked the road of recovery know this from the inside. When a recovered alcoholic or addict reaches out to help another, the one being helped retains the freedom to refuse, to walk away, to keep drinking or using. The outcome belongs to them. Their decisions are ultimately between them and God, and they are free to choose not-God. But the one who reaches out to help stays clean and sober through the act of reaching. The practice does not depend on the result.
Grace allows us to do the work of grace, and grace does the rest.
By loving even those who would abuse, insult, or injure us, we grow to resemble that very love. By loving in spite of rejection, abandonment, or betrayal, we become the image and likeness of the very love out of which we were formed. But like the addict or alcoholic, we have the freedom to choose differently. We have the freedom to choose resistance, resentment, and revenge. We have the freedom to choose to take the wrongs of others and to make them our own. Just as we have the freedom to love love, we also have the freedom to love what is wrong, what is dark, and what is evil — and to grow to resemble that instead. And what we love, we shall grow to resemble.
Oratio
may I be justified
in the eyes of God alone
leaving the world
to justify itself
it is not for me
to right all wrongs
nor to repay
that which is done unto me
I am surrounded by
and protected by love
my armour
my shield
and my sword
a weapon wielded
for purification of my own sins
rather than revenge
Contemplatio
What are you carrying today that belongs to someone else — and what might it cost your soul to keep it?
Related Scripture
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God — what is good and acceptable and perfect.” — Romans 12:2 (NRSVCE)
For Further Reading
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Already Loved: How God’s Infinite Love Calls Us to Love in Return, which explores the great commandment not as a means of earning grace but as our free and joyful response to a love already given — a natural companion to this post’s meditation on what love, practiced even toward those who wrong us, quietly does to the soul that practices it.
Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.
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