Your love and beauty
bring me to tears
your spirit washes through me
like a cool breeze
a mountain stream
a song of joy and sorrow
I feel you
and then you are gone
I am healed by you
and also torn apart
because I cannot hold you
possess you
become you
yet without you I cease to be
I am in you
you are in me
I weep from your presence
I weep from your absence
your spirit comforts me
like a whisper of I love you
~Robert Van Valkenburgh
Reflection:
God’s felt presence and perceived absence move us in ways we often struggle to understand. The mystery of this love that sustains us in and through all things, and yet so often feels like darkness, emptiness, and painful silence, may never be fully apprehended in this life. If we are fortunate enough to feel and accept glimpses of perfect union with God’s perfect love, it creates in us a deep, insatiable longing to never be apart from it, along with the grief and sorrow that this connection is beyond our control.
We cannot achieve perfect and perpetual union with God through our own efforts, no matter how much we try or pray. It can only be had through grace. The awareness and acceptance of our powerlessness to connect to God of our will, on our terms, and through our works, may leave us feeling broken-hearted, impoverished, and even hopeless, but Jesus tells us that, contrary to how we may feel, this is a blessing. For it is only by accepting our powerlessness that we are empowered to consent to the fullness of his love and mercy. In the dark night of our seeking, when we least expect or perceive it, God sneaks up behind us like Elijah on the mountain, to whisper, “You are my beloved, in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17).
Question for Meditation:
In the places where I feel God’s presence most deeply and where I feel God’s absence most painfully, what is God inviting me to learn about trust, surrender, and love?
Related Scripture:
“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” — Psalm 145:18 (NRSV)
For Further Reading:
For a related reflection on God’s presence amid pain and sorrow, check out: Jesus Weeps Beside Us: Finding Faith in Your Pain (Oratio Divina)
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