And then I cried out to Jesus
in anger and anguish
where were you
when I needed you most
why were you not there
I have always been with you
he responded
when you wept
I wept as well
when you suffered
I suffered too
you have never been alone
I have always been beside you
though your pain was not my desire
what happened not my will
love must be freely chosen
or it is not true love at all
I’m sorry that you are hurting
your pain is mine as well
as you grieve that lonely child
know that I am grieving too
though you may have died there
to innocence and joy
you share in my resurrection
in my love and blood
you are restored
~Robert Van Valkenburgh
Reflection: Even when we do not feel his presence, Christ is always near. As St. Augustine wrote, he is nearer to us than we are to ourselves. He is more inward than our most inward parts (Confessions 3.6.11). Why, then, in our darkest times, when we feel the most confused, frightened, and alone, does he feel so far away or altogether absent? Why does our suffering often feel so lonely and void of the love that Christ promises?
While it may be beyond our ability to answer these questions here, some consolation may be found in the fact that Jesus knows how we feel. He knows what it feels like to be tortured, tormented, mocked, and beaten. He knows what it is to feel utterly alone, abandoned, and forsaken by the divine presence (Matthew 27:46). And, though tragic, isn’t that amazing? God himself chose to be born into the flesh so that he could live, laugh, cry, celebrate, and suffer with us. He chose to feel what we feel, and to let us know that we are not alone.
But this is of no comfort if we do not know or accept it. So, whether by ignorance or obstinacy, in the moments when we are most vulnerable, broken, or confused, he feels the farthest away or altogether absent. Even after conversion, there is no promise that we will not feel pain and loneliness. Even Christ suffered and felt alone. But when we look back with the eyes of faith, we can see that we were, in fact, never alone. This is the promise of the resurrection. Even in our grieving and mourning of our innocence, Christ stands beside us, saying, “Be not afraid… I am with you always, to the close of the age” (Matthew 28:10,20).
Question for Meditation:
Where have you felt abandoned, and how might Jesus have been present with you even in that hidden suffering?
Related Bible Verse:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
For Further Reading: If you enjoyed this piece, you may also like Oratio: Never Withdrawn — a reflective poem about God’s unfailing presence and love even when we feel distant from Him.
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