Halfway into my morning centering prayer session, my nose began to itch. It was subtle, but noticeable, quietly demanding my attention. Out of instinct and habit, I was tempted to scratch it.
It occurred to me, however, that part of the practice of centering prayer is the practice of letting go of these instincts, habits, and distractions. So I decided to merely sit, to treat this itch like a nagging thought, and to gently release it to God.
My nose still itched, but the itch was felt in a space separate from my awareness. There was an emptiness between the sensation and my perception of it that felt freeing. But as they do, my thoughts began creeping back in.
I recalled a saying in Zen, “When you are hungry, eat; when you are tired, sleep.” It stood to reason, then, that if my nose itched, the most natural thing to do would be to scratch it. But all of this reasoning was just more mental gymnastics. Again, I gently released my thoughts and returned to quiet.
After a while, my mind began vyimg for my attention again. This time, tempting me with vanity. “In Ram Dass’s book Journey of Awakening (a book I read nearly thirty years ago),” I recalled, “He talks about moments like this during meditation. This experience is normal. You are on the path. Look at how far you’ve come since you began this journey many years ago. Ram Dass would be so proud of you if he saw you now. You don’t have to scratch that itch. You can transcend this desire.”
Then my mind came back to awareness. Realizing that I was getting caught up in my thoughts again, I sighed deeply and returned to my practice, the itch still lingering. This cycle repeated one or two more times until, with no thought or effort, a stillness overcame me.
Thoughts floated by. Iches tickled my skin here and there. Noises around the house bounced around in my ears. My chest rose and fell with each passing breath in a polyrhythmic dance with the beating of my heart. But I am not these sensations and stimuli. I am aware. I am awareness. I am, at least for a moment.
~Robert Van Valkenburgh
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