The Lord didn’t call me in my strength. He didn’t find me when everything was going well. He called me in my weakness and found me in my desperation.
If I could do this on my own, I wouldn’t need him. I wouldn’t have cried out. I wouldn’t have gotten down on my knees and begged him for relief and for mercy.
I needed to do things my way first. I needed to pursue my ideas into the abyss of selfishness and isolation. I needed to break before I was willing to admit that I can’t do this.
That’s the blessing and the curse of all of this. I can’t do it. I have to have God’s help.
This is both tragic and freeing at the same time. It’s tragic because I spent so much time trying to run the show, trying to do things my way, and ending up absolutely miserable and broken. It’s freeing because, once I reached that place where I had nothing left, I was finally able to cry out to God with fear, trembling, and humility.
And the Lord heard my cries.
~Robert Van Valkenburgh
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