I am a sinner. That is an indisputable and undeniable fact. I sin many times every day. I sin in ways I don’t even see or understand. It is part of my nature and I will be a sinner until the day I die because one sin is too many when standing face-to-face with God’s perfection.
While it is very clear to me that my sins are less pronounced than they once were, a sin is a sin and any progress I have made is not my doing. It is only by the power of God that my sins have decreased as he has increased in my heart.
Still, I sin frequently, sometimes in deed and sometimes in my thoughts. Even in solitude, I have many thoughts throughout the day that separate me from having a conscious contact with God. And as Jesus points out in Matthew 5:21-30, our thoughts, whether they be prideful, greedy, wrathful, envious, lustful, gluttonous, or slothful are no less sinful in the eyes of God than actions taken in their name.
It is important for me to remember, however, that I am forgiven. For every one of my sins, past, present, and future, Jesus died on the cross. He sacrificed his own life so that my life can be saved.
While I have accepted his sacrifice, I often forget exactly what it means. I forget that Jesus has volunteered to carry the burden of my sins upon himself and, instead, I carry them around with me as if it is my responsibility to punish myself for them. In this way, I am actually denying and rejecting what Jesus has done on my behalf so that I can be free.
This self-punishment and refusal to release my sins to the Lord is just another form of pride. In fact, there is even a risk in being prideful in acknowledging this and in wanting to beat myself up for my repeated prideful thoughts and beliefs. Again, all of this pride is a denial of the gift that Christ has given me.
As if it was not bad enough to be sinful, I have somehow managed to be sinful about my sinfulness. This is exactly what the devil wants. He wants me to carry this burden alone. He wants to separate me from God in the belief that I am in charge of my own sin, my own punishment, and my own fate. He wants me to think that I can save myself or that I am not worthy of saving. And sometimes, I buy into his deceit.
But Jesus died so that I may be free from sin, not just from committing it, but from carrying its burden with me. “Come to me,” Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV), “all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I need only to release my sins to him, for without his help, I am crushed under their weight, and I am the one pulling them down upon me.
~Robert Van Valkenburgh
Leave a Reply