Grappling With Divinity

Grappling With Divinity

Contemplative Christian Reflections by Robert Van Valkenburgh

Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.

Read Today’s Reflection

What I Write About

At Grappling With Divinity, I write from within the living stream of Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer, where faith is not mastered but practiced — slowly, honestly, and with reverence.

These reflections explore divine love as it meets us in suffering and joy, doubt and surrender, weakness and awakening. They trace the quiet work of conversion — the lifelong unfolding of grace that reshapes the heart and draws us deeper into union with God.

Here you will find meditations on Scripture, spiritual formation, the wisdom of the mystics, and the hidden movements of God within ordinary life.

This is not a place for easy answers.

It is a place for
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.

A place where faith deepens through mystery, and where even our struggle becomes prayer.

Lectio Divina (Coming Soon)

My writing follows the ancient rhythm of lectio divina — listening, reflecting, praying, and resting in God. Here you’ll find guidance and reflections shaped by this contemplative way of reading Scripture for transformation, not just information.

Practice Lectio Divina →

Christian Mysticism (Coming Soon)

Christian mysticism is the path of deeper union with God. Drawing from the wisdom of the contemplative tradition, this section reflects on divine love, interior transformation, and the indwelling presence of God at the heart of ordinary life.

Explore Christian Mysticism→

Spiritual Direction (Coming Soon)

Spiritual direction is the sacred practice of listening for God together. Rooted in the contemplative tradition and informed by my studies at Loyola University Chicago, this space explores discernment, surrender, and the quiet work of grace in everyday life.

Learn More About Spiritual Direction →

A Contemplative Rule Of Life

Silence

“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10

Silence is where we meet God in faithfulness, where His still, quiet voice is heard.

In silence, the false-self loosens its grip, striving softens, and the deeper current of divine love is felt beneath the noise. Silence is not absence — it is encounter, recollection, and reunion. It is the inner room wherein grace does its hidden work, bringing us to stillness in love.

Surrender

“Not my will, but yours be done.” — Luke 22:42

Transformation does not come by force. It comes by consent.

Surrender is not passivity, but courageous yielding — on the mat, in marriage, in study, in prayer. It is the steady relinquishing of control so that conversion may unfold. What feels like loss becomes opening; what feels like weakness becomes strength received; what feels like darkness becomes fullness in and of God.

Steadfastness

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9

Stay. Remain faithful in struggle. Do not turn away from love.

Steadfastness is the refusal to flee when faith feels dry or God feels hidden. It is the quiet fidelity that trusts blessing can emerge from grappling with the tension between our inborn humanity and our indwelling divinity. It is love practiced over time — faithful, patient, and rooted in the love that is true and holy.

GRAPPLING WITH DIVINITY.
WRESTLING WITH GOD.
RETURNING TO LOVE.

Latest Thoughts

Explore My Reflections

Following the contemplative rhythm of Lectio Divina
Moving from Attentive Reading (Lectio)
To Reflection (Meditatio)
To Prayerful Response (Oratio)
And finally into Silent Resting in God (Contemplatio)
Grappling With Divinity invites a slow unfolding of Scripture, Spiritual Wisdom, and Lived Experience.

  • The Calm We Cannot Make: St. John Chrysostom on Tears, Confession, and Peace (Lectio Divina)

    What if the peace you keep trying to manufacture was never yours to make? St. John Chrysostom describes the calm that follows tears the way a violent storm gives way to stillness, and this reflection sits with the ache of falling short of the peace Christ asks us to carry — and the distance between…

  • Whitewashed and Withholding: Origen on the Mercy We Refuse to Give (Lectio Divina)

    What if the reconciliation you keep postponing is the very thing standing between you and the God you’re trying to reach? Origen names a righteousness that’s dead on arrival — polished outside, hollow within — and this reflection sits with the mercy we’d rather hoard than pass on, and the depths waiting for those who…

  • Before We Cry Out: Julian of Norwich and the Prayer God Prays in Us (Lectio Divina)

    What if the prayer you’ve been struggling to find words for was already being prayed before you knew how to ask? Julian of Norwich names a goodness that does not wait for the right words, the right posture, or even the right understanding of what is happening — it comes down to meet us in…

Robert Van Valkenburgh

Owner of Grappling With Divinity & Co-Founder Of Kogen Dojo

I am a husband and father, a Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner and instructor, and a graduate student in Christian Spirituality and Spiritual Direction at Loyola University Chicago.

At Grappling With Divinity, I explore the mystery of God through Christian mysticism and contemplative prayer — wrestling with divine love, suffering, conversion, and the slow work of grace in ordinary life.

The discipline of martial arts and the discipline of silent prayer have taught me something similar: transformation comes through practice and surrender. My writing reflects that lived tension — strength and weakness, struggle and trust, effort and grace — as I continue learning what it means to seek union with God in the midst of family, jiu-jitsu, study, and everyday responsibility.