Lectio
“You see then that the gift of discretion is no earthly thing and no slight matter, but the greatest prize of divine grace. And unless a monk has pursued it with all zeal, and secured a power of discerning with unerring judgment the spirits that rise up in him, he is sure to go wrong, as if in the darkness of night and dense blackness, and not merely to fall down dangerous pits and precipices, but also to make frequent mistakes in matters that are plain and straightforward.”
— John Cassian, monk and abbot, Conferences
Meditatio
The desert teachers said that without discernment we stumble as in the darkest night, even over matters that are plain. What they knew, and what we slowly learn, is that the light is given before the sight. As the Holy Spirit begins to awaken us, we will face a great deal of uncertainty as we attempt to discern between our will and God’s. The further away from the Lord we have strayed, the more difficult it may be to feel connected to His Spirit within us. While all of our sins are washed away in a single moment in baptism, their residual effects may take longer to clear away. The Church calls the inclination that remains concupiscence, the old tinder of sin. We have likely accumulated many bad habits, in thought, word, and deed, and damaged many of our relationships through our self-centered ways.
The process of sanctification in Christ is not an overnight matter. Though our salvation cannot be earned and our works, on their own, cannot justify us before the Lord, by His grace we are called to put forth daily, prayerful effort in turning toward Him in all aspects of our lives. Even the desire to make this effort is His gift: a foretaste of heaven that whets our appetite for the fullness of communion, a communion we are invited to pursue diligently, rising again each time we fall, as if our lives depended on it, because they do. St. Paul commands us to pray ceaselessly, meaning that everything we do should be done with and for the Lord, and by the guidance of His Spirit in us. But our flesh pulls us away from the Spirit and toward its own temporal desires.
In each moment, therefore, rather than giving in to the temptation of our old ways luring us back to a life of sin, Christ calls us to discern the Father’s will, and gives us the means to do so through the Holy Spirit gifted to us in baptism. This process of discernment, the fruit of a prayerful life, calls for discipline, patience, and a willingness to listen for His still, small voice amidst the din of our fears and desires. It asks that we be still, which is to receive the stillness of the Spirit, and to trust that the Father’s will, though it may look at first like suffering, is always the path of a greater love than we can either imagine or manufacture on our own.
Discernment, then, is not merely a matter of decision-making, but of awakening, of being opened up to the Father’s will by the Father’s love so that we might submit to Him and receive the fullness of His promise. At first, we will stumble and we will fall short of the Father’s perfect will. We are just waking up, after all. Our eyes are still adjusting to the light of His love. But the Spirit strengthens us to get back up. It lights the path before our feet and bids us not to walk too fast.
What we receive from the Spirit is not only the knowing of the Father’s will but the grace to submit to it, and in that submission, to become free from the bondage of self. We do not lose ourselves in surrender. We find our true selves there, held in the gift of God’s very self. His loving presence opens our hearts, opens our eyes, and opens our awareness to the way into heaven that Christ has made available to us.
Oratio
As Simple As Love
Lord, I pray
for the desire
to want only You
to listen to only You
to serve only You
yet there is a battle
going on inside me
angels and demons
battling for my will
of my own power
I do not know how
to want You
I do not know how
to listen for Your voice
I do not know how
to submit to Your perfect will
You feel so far away
so out of reach
yet nearer to me
than my very self
to desire You
is as simple as silence
as simple as stillness
as simple as love
Contemplatio
The war you feel inside you is not one you were asked to win. Beneath the clamor of angels and demons, there is a place where you are invited to rest, and where the Spirit desires the Father on your behalf. Be still there, consent to His nearness, and let Him have His way in you.
Related Scripture
“Neither seek what is too difficult for you, nor investigate what is beyond your power. Reflect upon what you have been commanded, for what is hidden is not your concern. Do not meddle in matters that are beyond you, for more than you can understand has been shown you.”
For Further Reading
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like The Fire That Prepares Us: John of the Cross and the Dark Night of Divine Love (Lectio Divina), which stays with the same Love already at work in us before we say yes, and with the long, patient preparation that makes room for it.
Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.
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