Lectio
“For all feigned righteousness is dead, forasmuch as it is not done for God’s sake; yea, rather it is no righteousness at all, any more than a dead man is a man, or an actor who represents any character is the man whom he represents. There is therefore within them so much of bones and uncleanness as are the good things that they wickedly pretend to. And they seem righteous outwardly, not in the eyes of such as the Scripture calls ‘Gods,’ but of such only as ‘die like men.’”
— Origen of Alexandria, as cited in Thomas Aquinas, Catena Aurea: Commentary on the Four Gospels, Collected out of the Works of the Fathers, Vol. I: St. Matthew
Meditatio
I was convicted by the Spirit with the thought that all of my so-called spiritual growth is for nought if I have something against my brother or if my brother has something against me. Jesus, Himself, says as much. He tells me in the Gospel of Matthew that, even at the altar, where I come to God for worship and sacrifice, if I remember that someone has something against me, I am to leave my gift there and go, first, to be reconciled to him before returning to offer my gift to the Lord (Matthew 5:23-24). Likewise, in prayer, I am to forgive, if I have anything against anyone, my brother, my sister, my neighbor, and even my enemy, so that my Father in heaven may also forgive me (Mark 11:25), not because my forgiveness earns me God’s forgiveness or even prompts it, but because, in not forgiving others, we are, in our own way, rejecting the forgiveness of the Father.
By not forgiving others, we close ourselves off to the sunlight of God’s Spirit, shining upon us and meant to shine out through us. In this way, no matter how outwardly pious or devout we may appear to be and no matter how clean and pure we may present ourselves as being, inwardly, we are corrupted and stained by the sin of resentment. Like the whitewashed tombs of the scribes and Pharisees, outwardly we appear to be holy, but inwardly, we are dead and decaying. God knows and judges our hearts, after all, not our outward appearances. The Scriptures are full of stories and parables of grandiose acts of superficial worship being condemned by God for what it is and for seemingly insignificant, yet sincere, acts of faith, humility, and love being rewarded by the Lord, not because of what was given, but because of the heart that gave it.
When I refuse to forgive or to be forgiven by another, therefore, I am not only attempting to hoard the charity, grace, and mercy that was so freely given to me by not extending the same to others, but I am, in turn, rejecting the gift of salvation itself and the love of the One who gives it. God does not save us for ourselves alone, but that, through our lives and our example in Christ, all may be saved by Him. And so when we attempt to keep the gifts of mercy to ourselves, we become like Jonah, who fled rather than see mercy extended to his enemies, the Ninevites, and who found only the depths — the belly of the fish, the belly of the earth — and darkness waiting for him there. This is not because God ceases loving us, but by refusing to pass on what was freely passed on to us, we break our covenant with Him and choose our own hell over His gift of heaven. But God will not stop calling us to Himself — to love — for He wants us to live forever with Him and to receive our godly reward, not to die the death of mere men, rotting beneath whitewashed tombs.
Oratio
More Than This
Jesus I want You
more than this
help me to want You
more than this
more than
my self-centered fears
my petty resentments
my covetous ways
my idolatrous heart
help me to want You
more than what I want
to love like You
to forgive like You
to surrender my will like You
to surrender my will to You
Jesus I want You
more than myself
I want to want You
more than myself
help me to want You
more than myself
Contemplatio
Whatever you fled from, whatever mercy you couldn’t stand to see extended to someone else — it hasn’t stopped God from calling you back. Not into darkness, not into the depths, but toward the one thing you actually want, even when you can’t want it yet. Stay in the quiet with this, saying yes to whatever He wants to stir in you.
Related Scripture
“Forgive your neighbor the wrong he has done, and then your sins will be pardoned when you pray. Does anyone harbor anger against another, and expect healing from the Lord? If one has no mercy toward another like himself, can he then seek pardon for his own sins?”
— Sirach 28:2-4
For Further Reading
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Wrath Is Not His: Julian of Norwich and the Justice That Wants You Whole (Lectio Divina), which turns from the mercy we withhold from others toward the mercy God refuses to withhold from any of us, showing that His justice was never the vengeance we imagined.
Robert Van Valkenburgh
Grappling With Divinity.
Wrestling With God.
Returning To Love.
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