Grappling With Divinity

I find that it is much easier to petition God for help when I am in pain than it is to remember to thank him once that pain subsides. It’s not for lack of desire. I truly want to praise God in all things, not just when I feel like I need him. As the saying goes, “God is good all the time.”

After giving this phenomenon much thought, I honestly just think that the reason I find it easier to petition God when I am in pain than to remember to thank him once that pain subsides is because pain, in and of itself, is a reminder. It does not allow us to forget it. We do not experience the absence of pain in the same way, however.

When pain is gone, there isn’t some feeling that takes its place. In pain’s absence, we just feel ‘normal.’ That is to say, the absence of pain is an unremarkable state.

Of course, in pain’s absence, we feel happiness, joy, bliss, ecstasy, etc, but when we do, it’s all too easy to forget to be thankful. In fact, this is the insidiousness of pride. When things are going poorly, we want God to rescue us so that when they are going well, we can take the credit.

This is all fresh on my mind because I am presently suffering from a shoulder injury that demands my attention. It is painful and frustrating, sometimes to the point of near madness and it has driven me to tears on multiple occasions. At my worst, I have begged God for relief, if that be his will. At my best, however, I’m just so happy to “have my life back,” that I often forget to thank God for the pain relief.

Intellectually, I know that even my pain is for me, not against me, because nothing happens in God’s world that is against his will, whether it be his perfect will or his permissive will. But in real time, when I am in the midst of it, it feels like I am being beaten down, even punished, for some kind of awful, sinful act or omission. I know that God has something better for me than this, but suffering is a powerful distraction.

All of that is to say, I pray that I can be as thankful when this pain subsides as I am desperate while it is here. He has gotten me through worse situations than this and everything good I have is because of his faithfulness. In return, the Lord deserves all of me, not just the parts I want to get rid of.

~Robert Van Valkenburgh