Grappling With Divinity

I am not a Christian because I am a selfless, upstanding, and moral person who does everything right and is beyond reproach. On the contrary, I am a Christian because I am a flawed, broken, and sinful person who, without God, makes selfish and harmful decisions that lead only to despair. It was not because of my virtues that I turned to Christ, but because, when forced to take an honest assessment of my life and my character, I lacked virtue altogether.

My best ideas brought me to desolation. Left to my own devices, I hurt more people than I helped. Without God, I was a liar, a thief, and a coward. Full of fear and anger, I was in a constant state of conflict with everyone and everything, including myself.

My ways brought me to my knees. I cried out in agony. My spirit was in ruin. I felt nothing but pain and emptiness. I have never felt so completely alone in my life and I begged for relief. I would have done anything to make my pain go away, and that was my prayer.

And He heard me. He was waiting for me to call out to Him. He drew me near and gave me comfort. Slowly, He began to heal the wounds of my soul. The only thing He has asked for in return is everything, and I offer it up to Him gladly.

~Robert Van Valkenburgh