Grappling With Divinity

When I took my daughter and her cousins to the playground a few days ago, I let them play for about an hour and a half while I read my book on the bench. They were having a good time with each other, just being kids, and I was having a good time watching them and enjoying the quiet time outside with my book. It was also nice to be outside experiencing the extended daylight after what felt like a very long winter.

As I read my book, the wind began to pick up. Clouds started rolling in and, as they covered up the sun, it got chillier out in the open field where the playground was situated. Looking at the time, I realized that I wanted to get home to catch up on some things.

I called out to the kids and told them it was time to get going. One of my daughter’s cousins shouted back, “No!” I was taken aback. One of the things I often tell my daughter is that I am happy to take her where she wants to go, so she can play with her friends or cousins, but when I say it’s time to leave, it’s time to leave.

Just as I was about to reiterate my seriousness about it being time to leave, my daughter looked at her cousin and said very matter-of-factly, “When my daddy says something, he means it.” I was floored, not only because I was happy to see my daughter sticking up for me, as opposed to what I would have done at her age, which would have been to push back against authority, but because I was pleased to know that, at least to my daughter, my word means something.

I’m sure she will not always feel that way, but it tells me we are off to a good start. I try very hard to not hurt her in the ways that I have been hurt. That doesn’t mean I won’t or haven’t caused completely different problems for her than I had, but none of us are perfect. She, like me, craves consistency, honesty, and justice, and I do my best to give her these, or at least to help her navigate through a world where they are increasingly more difficult to come by. Her simple, sincere comment gave me encouragement that I am doing something right.

~Robert Van Valkenburgh