Grappling With Divinity

This evening I had to have a serious conversation with my daughter. She was crying and asked me whether she was good enough at an activity she does or whether she should quit. My first question was, “Do you want to quit?”

She said, “No.”

I asked her, “Do you enjoy doing it?”

“Yes,” she responded.

“Then why do you want to know if you should quit or not,” I asked.

“Because I feel like I’m not good enough,” she replied.

This statement really hit me. I know my wife and I push her to be her best and we have high expectations for her, but we also give her lots of praise and encouragement. We spend a lot of time with her and support her hobbies and interests, and we try to help build her confidence and ensure that she knows that she is loved.

As we were talking, her mother came home and we both sat her down to discuss what was going on. She’s at a tough age and going through a lot of changes, there are some issues at school with a friend of hers that are really confusing, and she is extremely active which means we have to be careful not to let her get burned out.

Self doubt is normal, we explained to her. Wondering whether or not you are good enough is normal. Feeling overwhelmed and confused is normal. Acknowledging these feelings, talking about them, and knowing that they, like everything else, are temporary, is the important thing.

“I love you, period,” I explained. “I don’t love you because. I don’t love you, if. I don’t love you, but. I don’t love you, except. I love you. No activity, skill, or success could make me love you more. No decision or failure could make me love you less. I love you, period.”

It occurred to me as we talked, cried, and hugged, that this is something we all need to hear. This is something I needed and need to hear. So I’m here to tell you, whoever you are, that God loves you, period, end of sentence. And by the grace and mercy of Christ whose love lives in me, I love you, period.

~Robert Van Valkenburgh